4 GAY PEOPLE'S CHRONICLE

•

AUGUST 19, 1994

COMMUNITY FORUM

Don't let this happen to you

To the Editors:

I've got a quick story to tell. It won't take long, and it may strike a chord with a few of you.

I met a fellow a year and a half ago at a lesbian and gay support group. The support group was the first time I had ever been "out" in a public place, and this man made me feel so comfortable. Before the meeting began he introduced himself as Deke.

I had lived in a closet, not a vacuum. I knew AIDS existed. Deke stood up that night and talked for a bit about his disease. He was calm, confident, and so composed. I was taken aback. I had never before met a person who was open about their antibody status, much less entertained the idea of having as a friend a person living with AIDS.

Last summer, Deke and I ran together frequently. The relationship I was in broke off, and Deke was there to comfort me. He seemed to be the only person who understood what I was feeling. Because Deke and I made no secret of the affection we felt for each other, he and I were accused of having an affair. To our surprise, we found we were comfortable with the accusations; they amused us. We also discovered that we did, in fact, love each other as more than friends. Towards the end of the summer, Deke lost his place to live and came to live with me for a week. At the time, he was covered with

touch, but I was careful to limit the amount of time we spent on the telephone, the number of cards I sent him, and the length of my visits to his apartment. I didn't want to grow any more attached to him.

We fell out of touch over the winter. A mutual friend of ours told me Deke was getting worse, but I kept putting off calling him. I didn't want to know.

Two weeks ago I tried to call his number, and it had been disconnected. Yesterday I called the local AIDS task force office and asked how he was. They told me he had died the day I had tried to call him, in a nursing home. He had been buried, they said, a week ago Tuesday.

I write this because there may be some of you out there who are in situations similiar to the one in which I found myself. Some of you may think it's easier to drift away from someone who's ill than to risk becoming more deeply emotionally involved with them.

I'll tell you something: You're wrong. If a friend dies and you know you've done everything you can for them, the grieving comes without guilt and it passes, leaving you changed, but more or less intact. But if a friend dies alone, or with words left unspoken, you'll carry with you the guilt of knowing you could have done or said more for the rest of your life. And you will never, ever, be able to atone, or make amends.

Deke, I'll remember you, and love you, forever.

Joe Graham

herpes zoster from head to toe. It was the first ODOT's 'good faith'

time I had actually been confronted with his illness.

I found myself working to put distance between him and I. I was afraid of getting closer to him and having him die. I was afraid of how I would feel when he was gone. In summary, I was selfish.

Deke found a place and moved out, to a town twenty miles away. He and I kept in

To the Editors:

Hard Hatted Women disputes the press release issued by the Ohio Department of Transportation on July 1 [see below]. The new pilot program referred to in the press release is more of the same "good faith effort" which results in no increase in the number of women and minorities being

Mention this ad for 15% discount

GERMAN VILLAGE

FLORAL & NURSERY

Unique Florals and Treasures

1-800-54-ROSES

177 East Beck Street

Columbus, Ohio 43206

(614) 443-5296

FAX (614) 221-5008

trained and employed in the highway construction industry. The seven construction companies chosen for the pilot program have no expertise in hiring and retaining women and minorities.

In a study commissioned by the Federal Highway Administration, over the last ten years, while the numbers of women in the general workforce have increased dramatically, the number of women in skilled, semiskilled and unskilled highway construction jobs has risen only about one percent. In 1978, Presidential Executive Order 11246 established a goal of 6.9 percent women per craft in every federally-funded highway construction project. After 16 years, Ohio has never come close to that goal. (In Ohio, one to two percent of the workforce in highway construction jobs are women). Ohio, like most parts of the country, has one female construction worker for every 540 miles of road.

The Voinovich administration is not a supporter of women and minorities being employed in nontraditional jobs. The Transportation Economic Equity Coalition, of which Hard Hatted Women is a member, has met with the Equal Employment Opportunity department of the Ohio Department of Transportation (ODOT) several times in the last year to pressure ODOT to actively recruit women and minorities for highway construction jobs, to no avail. Two members of the Transportation Economic Equity Coalition met with ODOT Director Jerry Wray in June 1994 to pressure ODOT to hire women and minorities in highway construction jobs, to no avail.

If the Voinovich administration and the Ohio Department of Transportation were truly committed to affirmative action for women and minorities, they would form partnerships with community-based organizations like Hard Hatted Women and other members of the Transportation Economic Equity Coalition who have the expertise to achieve the successful goals which were reached on the Gateway construction site in Cleveland.

Kathy Augustine, Executive Director Hard Hatted Women

(The ODOT press release announced a pilot program with seven companies to hire minority and women trainees for year-long stints, as opposed to for the duration of a project, "enabling them to work on more than one project. "Some road projects, however, last longer than a year.

The release included a statement by ODOT Director Jerry Wray that read, "The Voinovich administration is a big supporter

Community Forum

GAY PEOPLE'S CHRONICLE

Volume 10, Issue 4

Publisher: Martha J. Pontoni Business Manager: Patti Harris Managing Editor: Charlton Harper Editor: Brad Burget

Associate Editor: Brian DeWitt Reporters & Writers: Keith Arnold, Rick

Beacham, Cesar Chaves, Barry Daniels, Christopher Federer, Charlton Harper, Troy May, Eliot Neufeld, Keith A. Oliver, Carol Patzkowsky, Timothy Robson, Jerry Semas Art Director: Christine Hahn Production Artist: Gina Adkins Sales Manager: Patti Harris Account Executives: David A. Ebbert, Doreen Cudnik, Doug Motz

The Gay People's Chronicle is dedicated to providing a space in the Ohio lesbian-gay community for all of its members to communicate and be involved with each other. This means that every Chronicle, to the best of its ability, will be equally dedicated to both men's and women's issues, as well as issues that affect the entire community. This balance will provide lesbians and gay men with a forum to air grievances and express joys.

The Gay People's Chronicle is copyrighted under federal law. Any reproduction of its contents is prohibited unless permission is obtained.

Any material submitted for publication will be subject to editing. The Chronicle cannot guarantee return of any such materials unless accompanied by a stamped, self-addressed envelope.

The Gay People's Chronicle is not responsible for claims made by advertisers. We reserve the right to reject advertising which is unsuitable for our publication.

P.O. Box 12235 Columbus, Ohio 43212 Voice and Fax 614-253-4038 E-mail chronohio@aol.com

Next Chronicle comes out Friday, September 2

The Gay People's Chronicle is published every other Friday, except the first January issue. Display ad and article deadlines are 10 to 12 days before an issue comes out. Call for specific dates and times. Calendar, Classified, and Personal deadlines are earlier, and are shown in each of those sections. Advertisers:

Call or fax 614-253-4038 for rate sheets and information. Or, write the Chronicle at P.O. Box 12235, Columbus, Ohio 43212.

Subscriptions:

Subscriptions are 13 issues for $25.00, and 25 issues (1 year) for $40.00, sent in a plain envelope. (For faster first-class delivery, add $6.50 for 13 issues, 12.50 for 25 issues to cover extra postage.) Mail check or money order with your address to the Chronicle, P.O. Box 12235, Columbus, 43212.

of women and minorities being employed in non-traditional jobs. This pilot program is designed to give women and minorities greater training and employment opportunities in the highway construction industry.")

The Chronicle encourages everyone to write and express your opinion about the community or the paper. Please, however, keep letters constructive, and avoid name-calling and personal attacks. Please be brief. We reserve the right to edit for length and clarity. We will print your name unless you specifically ask us not to.

Address letters to the Chronicle, P.O. Box 12235, Columbus, Ohio 43212, or e-mail chronohio@aol.com, or fax to 614-481-9618. Include your address and phone number so we may contact you to verify the letter.

Fishman & Fey, Co., L.P.A. Attorneys at Law

Serving the Central Ohio Lesbian and Gay Community

395 East Broad Street, Suite 310; Columbus, Ohio 43215

Telephone: (614) 228-1164

Carol Ann Fey, Esq. Elliot T. Fishman, Esq.

Rhonda R. Rivera, Esq. Of Counsel (Phone 224-4466)

INDIVIDUAL, RELATIONSHIP AND FAMILY COUNSELING

DEPRESSION / ANXIETY

CHEMICAL DEPNDENCY

CODEPENDENCY / ACOA ISSUES

HIV+/AIDS

INCEST / SEXUAL TRAUMA

COMING OUT / GENDER ROLES

VOCATIONAL ASSESSMENT / CAREER COUNSELING

Joseph W. Shannon, Ph.D.

PSYCHOLOGIST AND ASSOCIATES

•

1155 West Third Avenue Columbus, Ohio 43212 (614) 297-0422